just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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