So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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