I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
