Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
