the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
a search helicopter?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
