matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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