She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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