Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
