Do you still have your period?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
