WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
