Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
