I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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