Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
