Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
