I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
