After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
