it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Im part way to drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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