even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
