Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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