it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
