You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
