I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
