I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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