I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
