These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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