The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
how do you play pong handcuffed?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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