It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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