Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
