I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
