the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
as a side note pls kill me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
