Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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