I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
