he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
