singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
