my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
