Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
