He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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