So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
