Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it hurts more in the daytime
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
