she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you win again, gameday.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
