foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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