Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
