No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
