barbara walters just said penis...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
