Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
