Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
