this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
