there was a trapeze. enough said
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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