I want to make a zoo with you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
