I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
