My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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