so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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