My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
not ubering you a puppy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
