How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
