when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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