her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
