I feel like I'm in dance class right now
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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