lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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