that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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