had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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