chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
