My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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