I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
