i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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