Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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