I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
