I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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