I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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