New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize