And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
